Most difficult decisions are generally a choice between two hard things. This is generally undesirable.

Humans try to optimize for decisions to a choice between something good and something bad. But that’s not a choice at all. Of course we pick the good one! Receive $10 or get punched in the face? Money please!

For decisions that are a bit more ambiguous, we still try to paint one as good as the other as bad when we can, or at least position one as better than the other. That’s the idea behind the common “pros vs. cons” list. The choice with more “pros” is seemingly “better,“ so we pick that one.

In other words, we tend to look for the easy way out—literally.

But for most difficult decisions, there isn’t a clear winner. That’s what makes it difficult.

To resolve that, we have a saying in my house:

“Choose your hard.“

That is: decide in advance what type of hard you prefer. This allows you to skip the part where you look for the more optimal option. There might not be one, or you might overspend your time trying to find it.

When the choice is hard, do you prefer:

• Hard physically or hard mentally?
• Hard mentally or hard emotionally?
• Hard with time or hard with people?
• Hard to say or hard to do?

Once you hone in on the type of hard you prefer, it won't always make decisions easier, but it will usually make them faster. In most important decisions, we’re not always looking for the solution as much as we're trying to find agency, some amount of power to affect our own future. Choosing your hard can give you that.

Next time you’re at an impasse, choose the kind of hard you prefer. It’s a great way to help you build some momentum.

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