This is why you can’t have nice things.

It’s not because you’re lazy.

It’s not because you’re unlucky.

It’s not because the system is rigged.

You can’t have nice things if you don’t know what you want.

And if you don’t know what you want, you’ll settle for whatever shows up.

Most people struggle to articulate what they actually want. That single failure quietly sabotages their careers, relationships, health, and money.

When you can’t name what you want:

• You chase goals that impress other people
• You say yes to opportunities you don’t enjoy
• You confuse motion with progress
• You mistake “busy” for “fulfilled”

Life fills the vacuum. And it usually fills it with obligations, not intentions.

Most people don’t decide what they want. They inherit it.

Here’s why desire is so hard:

1. We’re trained to want results, not experiences. Money. Titles. Status. Rarely things like calm, autonomy, or time with people we love.

2. We confuse options with freedom. More choices don’t create clarity. They create paralysis.

3. We borrow goals from louder people. Parents. Bosses. Influencers. Society. Other people’s dreams are easy to adopt and hard to live with.

4. We’re afraid of choosing “wrong.” So we avoid choosing at all. Non-decisions feel safer than irreversible ones.

5. We’ve never been asked the right questions. We open conversations with strangers by asking, “What do you do?” Not, “What do you want your days to feel like?”

My favorite line in one of my favorite books—The Vision-Driven Leader, by Michael Hyatt—is:

Destination begins with desire.

If you don’t define what “nice things” mean to you, you’ll spend your life collecting things that don’t fit.

If you want a life filled with the things you actually want, start here:

• Trade vague wants for specific preferences. “I want success” → “I want Black Ivory Coffee every morning when I wake up.”
• Define your “enough.” Without a finish line, every mile feels disappointing.
• Separate admiration from aspiration. Just because you respect it doesn’t mean you want it.
• Design days, not dreams. Your calendar reveals what you value.
• Accept that clarity requires exclusion. Every yes is a no to something else. That’s the point.

We’ve been trained by society to be ashamed of wanting.

That if we exceed some arbitrary threshold of what’s acceptable to want, we’re being too greedy.

We haven’t earned it.

We don’t deserve it.

Nonsense.

So we censor ourselves from saying it. Which makes us shy away from even thinking it. Which accidentally makes us forget that we can even want at all.

Change that today.

Today, say what you want. One thing. Anything. Any small thing or huge thing that you refuse to be judged for.

Say it to your journal. Say it to yourself. Say it to a loved one. Say it to the internet on social media.

And if you have nowhere better to say it, say it to me.

Message me what you want.

I’ll reply with 3 words of permission:

“Go get it.”

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